A Luang Prabang Wedding

Stumbled upon this Bob Nicolas video shot in Luang Prabang, Laos. Do watch because it captures what's enchanting about the place. (Really, Luang Prabang is a honeymooners' dream. Imagine getting married there.)

Shots of the Mekong, the prayer ceremony with the monks, the literal "tying-of-hands," the heartfelt speeches; everything looked like a dream. <3 

List: October's End-Start of November

Concerts (for feel good/honest/heartbreaking music to take me away)

1. Jason Mraz

2. The National

Projects

3. That "blog-guesting" thing (let's do that some justice)

4. A fictional/non-fictional piece which should bring in some clarity
5. More blog posts! Maybe upload some of the videos we took during B-2011

Wandering - first Singapore hello

6. Museums, museums! Asian Civilisation, Dali, Titanic (there's a Titanic exhibit, ohyes), Singapore National Museum, the NUS museum (good friend and astig art conservator Ricky F. is showing me around NUS. Excited about this!)

7. Chinatown

8. Kopi, Nasi Lemak, etc. - must ask Turtle for a food list

9.** Jurong Bird Park - the claim "the world's largest walk-in aviary"  is tempting. I hope I still have time + money to do this. Birds flying overhead would be a welcome sight.

Nine things to look forward to ought to keep a wayward girl happy. =D

Doodles for Comfort

Then

Post-it silly doodling, mine

Now

Doodle-postcard by Montalut

When it pays to have a graphic representation of your state (to remember) & a visual reminder of what you're trying to achieve (so you don't slip).

*Montalut is Johanna B. Pilar. Check out her works at montalut.com. 

Toss a coin, why don't you?

A Psychological Tip

Piet Hein

Whenever you’re called on to make up your mind,
and you’re hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you’ll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.
No — not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you’re passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you’re hoping.

*I know what I'm hoping for. But for the moment, some clarity is in order. Thanks, Yes! Turtle, for this poem. :)  

A Plea (Get Out of My Head)

 

"About Today," The National

What could I say, I was far away. You just walked away, and I just watched you.

Life persists

Light reflected on the Mekong River (taken from Luang Prabang, May 2011)

Finding your footing

I'd have liked to mask what this entry is going to be about, but I'll just go right ahead and say it- ending a relationship, specifically a long-term one, changes one's life in a really big way. In college, I had all these ideas about how life should look like when I'm in my late 20s: a wedding at 28, a kid at 29 or 30, and a teaching job at a university. A teaching job, of course, because I have to have time to take care of my husband, like cook him real meals for when he comes home after a stressful day at work, and I need mornings or afternoons free because I would like to be hands-on with our kid.

Ten years later, I have none of these- not a dog I need to buy doggie food for, no nightly Lifestyle Network-inspired dinners, no one's calling me “prof.” or "mom," and especially not a semblance of a relationship that's headed for the altar. You break up with someone that you shared a life with for a long time and you lose not just a person, but an entire orientation you have set for yourself.

Most days I'm fine with where I'm at, even grateful that I could claim, “I'm not unhappily married.” However, you still have those other days when the lack of the security you once had eats you up – they could just be 4 days in a month, but, like PMS, those days can be hell.

As a society, here in the Philippines, I think there's pressure to be married off by the time you're 30. And the pressure is not just external. Like Ala Paredes once tackled here, no matter how bohemian one's upbringing may be, how high her level of education, or how long and astig (kick-ass) list of accomplishments, a Filipina has most likely internalized this pressure of marrying in her 20s, so consciously or unconsciously, “to be married before 30” is right up there in her list of must-dos. And that moment when she realizes she'll most likely fail to live up to this deadline will be like swallowing a giant, ill-tasting pill. Some jump the gun & forget about their non-negotiables, bahala na si Lord kung sinong mapangasawa; some decide to stay put, keri lang sigurong mag-intay. For those in the latter category, there's that fear- paano kung ma-old maid?

Because fear has a tendency to overpower logic, a pact with yourself is essential. Recently, my friends and I have jokingly made a promise of keeping each other from settling before we're 35 and staging an intervention if we feel like the other person is jumping the gun at marriage out of cowardice. Though we do contend that at 35, it's probably fine to get a sperm donor.

Of course, there's also that void- the vanished person carries with him routines now erased, objects no longer to be seen, friends you'll have to spend time with less and less, etc. But the thing that's most torturous is having the plans you've built together disappear. One of the most wonderful things about coupledom, after all, is indulging in mutual dreaming. Which brings me to the following points:

1. That lesson you learn in the Missing Piece Meets the Big O (Shel Silverstein) is true. Take heed. Your partner complements, not completes. So, if you find yourself rolling on your own again, know that you're already whole.
   
   
2. Zero can be a great state. Zero is where possibilities lie.

There'd be slips, like drunk texting, pity shopping, trips on a whim, getting wasted, awakening zombie exes, wailing in public, etc., etc.-- but you've been through/ are going through a lot of madness, don't you think it's but fair to just laugh at  yourself and then forgive? And, really, just try to do these things:

1. Surround yourself with real friends who will put up with sorry texts, retrogressive thoughts, and moments of unexplainable sadness.
   
   
2. Take a break from feeling fine and dandy. If you're feeling weak, dammit, be weak. Everyone has those hours, those days.
   
   
3. Reach out to books, songs, poetry, etc. Derive not just comfort, but also companionship from other worlds.
   
   
4. Go someplace unfamiliar, not just to experience things on your own, but also to escape in a space where you are without history.
   
   
5. Reclaim what were once shared spaces. If too difficult, do so with people you trust.
   
   
6. Breathe through the fog, the smog, the dense air.
   
   
7. Be really okay being alone (easier said than done, I realize).
   
   
8. Believe (again, easier said than done).

When in a state of Ally McBeal-level neurosis, I remind myself, “the Universe can dream a bigger dream than I could ever dream for myself.” And I remember Ally and think about Larry Paul-- who knew he'll come by? Alternately, I also look at my unmarried aunts and see contentment and lives that are equally rich and fulfilled.

Nerds

via thebeautyinlittlethings

Drop a coin into my cup

I don’t want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride. All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die. I don’t want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow. I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun - hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks. People will walk by and say, “Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case.” I will turn and say to them, “It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job, cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn’t even conceive. For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that. For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!” And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.

--Henry Rollins (via coffeetablebooks)

So Anyway (from Next to Normal)

"Rather than let chance take me, I'll take the chance." 

This song killed me. Two days later, several scenes from Next to Normal still makes me weep mentally.